I always thought, and still do, to some extent, that it was my actions that influenced those around me the most. Since I was a teenager, I really started to break away from my internal dialogue and how I acted in the world at large. I would look around and see the negative impacts of people’s actions, behaviours, or poor word choices and witness how it damaged others. So, I chose to refrain. I kept a lot of things to myself. People talk about being honest with others, but I thought it was more complicated than that and I had the poise to recognise that, a lot of the time, I shouldn’t act on how I feel or what I thought. But a couple of months ago, something struck me that made me think differently…

It was something I heard or a video I watched which commented on dealing with ‘problem children’, and how often a parent’s behaviours or more specifically, their subconscious, rubs off on their children. That it didn’t matter how the parent expressed their disappointment or disapproval in the world around them, somehow, through the ether that is life their internal truth would manifest in their children. An example was given, well a study, on how to deal with upset or angry children. A senior and respected teacher that wasn’t involved in the initial troubling situation was asked to sit still, by themselves in another room for 5minutes, or there abouts, and just relax, while the student was in another room. They were then instructed to go into the room with the troubled student and sit there. They didn’t speak or engage the student. They just sat there for a short amount of time. It was proven that purely by association the student would become less elevated and then the teacher was instructed to speak with the student about what had happened. 

Don’t hold me to this, the details are a little vague, but it was enough for me to question how my internal world rubbed off on others, particular the people in my life I surround myself with and love. It’s not enough to withhold how you feel, you need to embody the solution you seek. So what does that actually mean..?

In essence I never know the answer to the questions I pose to myself… This process is about finding my own truth. So anyway if you feel a disconnect you need to do something about it. You may feel compelled to tell the truth, but is that the solution? How about paying attention to the person in front of you and getting on their level. Your subconscious is on show whether you want it to be or not. So, I feel for me, knowing and understanding my prejudice about the situation right in front of me compels me to come back to the other…

To the person you don’t want to impart your impatience and misunderstanding on. You’re not involved. Hence the disparity you are experiencing… I don’t know. I have this compulsion to question what some might say is the highest calling, truth… But is this a universal truth, your truth, or a higher perspective on what is right and just?

I think what I am learning to do with time is witness my internal dialogue, similar to being aware to the signals your body language poses to those around you. Slouched in a chair with your arms crossed for example. I’m very aware of the signals I send to others. But often I tell myself that’s just a fabrication someone invented – most likely scientifically proven as well. However, if your intent doesn’t match your body language, doesn’t that mean you’re overriding what some would say makes up a substantial amount of communication – body language. I think it’s a massive assumption… (that body language trumps intent)

If you recall the example I provided of the troubled student and the teacher – the intent was to be centred and present. The intent I guess for me is what dictates matter – the physical embodiment of consciousness (for people). Second guessing your crossed arms is akin to second guessing the compulsion you feel to tell what you’re thinking when someone isn’t resonating with you. So, let’s address the elephant in my predefined room… What do you do when you feel someone needs to hear your truth (or your reaction)? BUT, you know the consequence is negative -  is that what we (I) need to overcome? Is this our (my) issue?

I think I’m still grappling with this. And I think I’m moving towards ‘intent.’ It’s all about intent and the person on the other end needs to see that. Well for me anyway, I like to think my intentions are always good unless I’m being reactionary – “SHUT UP, YOU’RE TALKING SHIT” – for example. Impulsiveness needs to be regulated, which I think we all do. I think I like the idea of training myself to be impulsively balanced in my response, whether evident on the surface or spoken. This training takes time though, and practice, and I may not have the poise to walk out of the room and centre myself before my contagious subconscious rubs off on the person with said dilemma. And that’s a cost I’m prepared to pay with the hope that someday, I will say the right thing, that my spoken word resonates with my own truth without tarring someone else to shreds. (however, I pay respect to those who enable me to develop this skill)