Times of pain and suffering have typically led me to express myself through my writing. When I was beat down, exhausted, with really nothing left to give I found refuge in writing. Despite feeling down and out I have consistently tried to put some kind of ‘spin’ on my reflections. I have tried to deduce the underlying wisdom born out of my pain and restlessness. Ultimately as an exercise to give me the guidance I need to live through the battles to come, most of which are in some strange way, or seem to be, self-inflicted. However, after a substantial hiatus from my daily work duties, writing has barely entered my mind. Now does that mean there’s nothing left to say when life is on autopilot and you’re just watching the days go by?
For me, philosophical concepts and thought bubbles draw me in. In one way I’m attempting to answer them and push aside other people’s opinions on the matter. But yet that doesn’t really sit well with me. What I am also trying to do is think through something which really has no direct bearing on my life.
I think a lot of people lie to themselves when they think about why they do what they do. It isn’t my underlying philosophy that I’m doing my part for the greater good that drives me. Quite honestly, I’m just seeing where the wind will take me. And it’s very much the same with my writing. It’s not my deductions driving me, as I insinuated in the introduction – “to live through the battles to come.” My mind gravitates to places I find interesting and more importantly very, very rarely have the opportunity to express.
Writing has been a back-up plan of sorts and this is most evident in my recent novel, Patient Doctor Privilege
. It was really the last call to decipher my past in an attempt to prevent further manic episodes, which typically end with suicidal thoughts, because what goes up must come down. However, I want to channel my writing to be more proactive and that’s where this blog comes in.
I’ve played around with a few mediums and I think having somewhere to put my writing/body of work, aka - this website, will prove to be beneficial to me and I hope my audience.